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Saturday, November 13th, 2004
9:42 pm
I had a pleasant little talk at Seraphine's yesterday.

Both Angua and Lupine had come with me to support me at the question-and-answers that was scheduled to follow, and dear Otto took iconographs.

Many of my audience were wolf-shaped, wich was a tad disconcerting, as I felt like Saint Ungulant or Vermentine or whichever it was, preaching to the wild beasts. But Lupine went into a corner with a few of them afterwards, and came out looking like a very smug and content wolf, so perhaps they had listened after all.

The Igor from Ankh-Morpork is leaving tomorrow, which means all the neighbouring Igors are coming by today and giving him advice and a few spare parts. There is a merry company with iffy jars in my courtyard today. I will so miss my guests when they all go.

current mood: content

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Tuesday, November 9th, 2004
7:02 pm
Despite all this snow and darkness, there are so many bright opportunities offering themselves even now! Dasha's cubs are really fluffy now, open their eyes, and mewl sweetly. Beth has been by today to paint them, cooing over them with utter enchantment - my, that purportedly "wild" and "unreformed" vampire is really such a softie!

I am going to make my speech at Seraphine's on Friday; she promised she'd get everybody together, and she better had, too. Angua, Lupine, would you like to come with me to talk to anyone who might be too shy or overawed to talk to me?

And then there will be the housewarming party at Beth's on Octeday, for which I am providing some more furniture. Many long tables are needed for all the food that is being planned. Half of Bonk will probably drop by; everybody is so curious! It will do us all good. The Captain is planning the food and entertainment while Beth does the decoration and the exhibition - for Beth, nothing whatsoever may happen without paintings getting involved.

current mood: energetic

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Friday, November 5th, 2004
8:48 pm
I have a feeling that my guests are finally recovering from their adventures, even though the mood is a bit subdued at the moment. We might have to postpone our play reading for another day as well, if that's possible. I need to go and meet Seraphine tomorrow; she has some problem she urgently wants to discuss with me. Hah - at last!!

Going through my attics with Beth and Captain Tantony, I found that I possess entirely too many things. It's a small miracle the beams don't break down. Previously, vampires never held jumble sales and were forced to have their castles torched by angry mobs from time to time to get rid of old things that were no longer useful. I think I shall consider the idea of a  League flea market in the near future.

current mood: relieved

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Saturday, October 30th, 2004
1:00 am - Business as un-usual
My house is full again, which I enjoy, despite the fact that circumstances were so dire.

All of them are slightly exhausted girls of three different kinds, taking a breather. Angua has called it my "Seminary for Lost and Bedraggled Girls", which amuses me greatly. But in a way, it is. All of them have to get back on their feet here, and I am so happy to give them a chance! Even if I had gladly extended my hospitality, it was perhaps quite appropriate that the boys involved in this hullaballoo had at once gone on to Lancre, where they seem to be moderately and relatively all right, and in any case well cared for.

I have great hopes, especially for Danielle and her cubs/kids, but I think I most enjoy the way they stick together and help each other. Seeing Perks hold a tiny wolf and touching its soft baby fur, or the way Angua took Perks and Maladict, who are both worst off, to see the fresh snow in my upper garden, that was good to see.

Igorina, who had looked after my castle while Igor was gone to Ankh-Morpork with me and then just stayed on, has today given her notice: she is going to work for Beth Metatronim and the Captain, who is going to move into the actual house part of the house Beth, incorrigible troglodyte that he is, had bought solely for having four levels of cellars. An eccentric unreformed vampire painter seems to be considered a suitable master for any Igor, even if it is an Igorina. And the Captain and Beth have the added bonus of being "marthterth", thus affording her two "S"s that can be lisped in one word.

Lupine has returned to Bonk proper because he felt more at ease with  Beth and the captain than here - small wonder, this place might be entirely too female for his liking at the moment, the only male inhabitant being an Igor who berates him for not being careful enough with his injuries. The Igors had fits and spluttered when they saw Lupine was gone!

In exchange, we got the Captain and Beth for all of the afternoon, reading a complete Hwel play to Perks. In the end, everybody hung around and listened, even Miss Halter and Miss Tewt, my former grooms, who are among the bedraggled girls that have ended up here. I do hope the University will give them their jobs back, despite being absent without leave, and borrowing a broomstick, which we have long since sent back by Mail coach. Even that needed one of those new-fangled stamps, like we had to put on the book package for Mr Zesk and company in Lancre.

We all enjoyed the play they read to us, which was about making two witty people who didn't like each other much fall in love. There were other stories woven in, but that was most impressive. Of these two, Beth read the girl because his voice is lighter, and at times, we all of us laughed out in gales so he had to stop reading, his rendition was so funnily snarky. "Against my will I am sent to bid you come in to dinner" - oh hah hah hah! They have promised to come and read another on Sunday. Tomorrow, they are planning things with a young fellow who's come from Beth's home town - a human, though. Apparently, Danielle and he have been plotting to take over Ankh-Morpork today, or something of that order. Conquer, perhaps? In any case, it sounds as if it might amuse dear Havelock.

I will now write a note to Seraphine, offering her my help again. She will need it, after last night's bloody mayhem in the woods.

current mood: hopeful

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Wednesday, October 27th, 2004
3:23 am - Oh well done!
Well done, Angua dear - you were really most convincing! Sir Samuel will be so proud of you, and of the fact how the badge of the Ankh-Morpork city watch carries so much respect even here!

And so logical. And so intelligent in your arguments. It was a joy to behold. And the way you questioned the Captain to make him tell how arbitrarily Seraphine picked those three - that was priceless! I wouldn't have been able to keep that straight a face when he said "No, no indication at all, sorry."

I don't know if it's entirely a good thing that on the strenght of that, they have let off all three of them. But better that those rude louts go free than that poor, pitiable Danielle gets convicted and her three tiny cubs are orphaned.

It is a good thing the dwarves are willing to take them in again until the full moon is over.-

Something else: Mr Zesk, I have sent off your sorry scraps of parchment maps with the mail coach, and have arbitrarily added some books that might amuse you while waiting, or that might be read to a convalescent to bore him back into sleep for relaxation.

current mood: impressed

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Monday, October 25th, 2004
5:09 am - Is anybody wounded?
Huh - Beth went haring off before I could give him anything useful to bring along, and left me here with the Captain in an empty house in Bonk.

If anybody is wounded, you might want to take them (or some of them) to my castle. I've got an Igor, and an Igorina, and the Captain says the watch Igor will help as well.

We're already preparing bandages - at least let Beth bring the mortally wounded Wereman!

The Captain is senseless with worry for both Beth, of course, and, it turns out, Tomjon Vitoller of all persons, so I better let him do something.

current mood: aghast

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Wednesday, October 20th, 2004
7:26 pm - Werewolf trouble
Oh dear, I have totally neglected this. Real Life has eaten my brain; there was always so much to do, and so little time to actually record it...

Bad old times are here again: it's autumn, and the werewolves are playing up. My good Captain Tantony, bold as brass, marched into their castle because werewolf or werewolves unknown had killed a man. An unconscious man. Without a run or a challenge. And with a pregnant fiancée.

Upon which dear Seraphine handed the captain three terrible problems: werewolves she wanted rid of. If someobdy insists on doing Law and Order at her, she can just as well let them have her problems, seems to have been her thought.

Details about the werewolf troubleCollapse )
Just look at me, writing nothing for ages, and then blathering on like this! I hope everybody is all right; namely Ponder and Victor and my scholarship boys, especially dear Tez, and Boromaeus, whose activities have brought us a steep increase in trade with finished products, which is a such good thing. All natural resources only ever go so far; much better to sell people stuff you make, not just stuff you harvest or mine.

current mood: determined

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Wednesday, September 29th, 2004
7:40 am
Oh dear, I haven't looked at this thing in ages, have I? It's been a busy summer. We have three new programmes in the League now, and five new chapters in other cities. And we're not giving up on Sacramante! Laugh at us as much as you like, you aesthete types; if you venture out into the world, you need to mend your ways. Somewhat.


Seems lots of things are happening in Ankh-Morpork. Is everything all right now, Ponder? Those pesky students you mention there won't ever get a scholarship from me. How are the others doing, though?

My good Captain Tantony has finally returned to Bonk after a protracted absence and without accomplishing anything of what he went there for, namely, receiving the good will or at least the friendship of Tomjon Vitoller - I could have told him that. But he's completely tamed Beth Metatronim in the meanwhile - it's a joy to see. And the two of them are very much in love by now, all former sillyness forgotten - totally too cute for words. If the good citizens of Bonk dare object to them, there will have to be words of another kind.

Beth Metatronim is now moving into the abandoned chapel on the other side of the city that stands on grounds belonging to me as well. Vampires being as territorial as they are, I'd rather not have him at my castle and the whole place stunk up with his infernal turpentine and the whiff of unreformed shenanigans indefinitely.

In any case, I am glad to have them back. Both, actually. As I understand it, Ponder, important parts of The Taming Of The Beth happened thanks to you? Well, thank you! Totally unreformed, he would have been trouble sooner or later.

current mood: cheerful

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Wednesday, August 4th, 2004
6:50 am - Life is slightly boring
Life is as it always has been, in fact, with meetings and Meetings, and many things to decide; and there is a local News-Paper now as well. And a committee for building the theatre. So I am busy on the outside, but still find myself missing my friends terribly. My castle feels rather empty.

I miss the long talks at teatime with Ponder, and the walks with Josephine. I miss Victor's quiet friendliness. I miss the chaos Otto caused with his imps, and his hectic confidences; I miss Gimel's little scandals when her mouth was faster than her brain again, and her boundless energy for changing things. I miss that serious way Mr de Worde has of telling people what to do. I miss being able to rely on my good Captain no matter what the problem or project, and his effective and acerbic way of dealing with messes. I even miss Beth Metatronim, that old miscreant, frightening poor Josephine with his smell of turpentine, treading on everybody's toes and apologising grudgingly, or bouncing in like a large, floppy dog to tell people what wonderful things he has painted now. I even miss not being able to use my own hot spring for weeks on end because Beth and the captain are being naughty all over the place every night...

At least those last two will be back at some stage.

current mood: lonely

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Monday, July 5th, 2004
8:06 am - Farewell party for Ponder
So there actually was a barbecue party with many human guests in my garden. That certainly was a first, but everybody enjoyed themselves quite a lot.

What I gain in accessibility, I lose in fear, but fear does not equal respect, and I can live without people being openly afraid of me. They still are secretly, anyway.

Ponder lit the grill with another fireball, and this time nothing got singed. Victor took over turning the meat while the Captain made sure nobody stayed without food or drink long. He knows how to mix some very odd beverages that people literally queued up for. His resourcefulness never fails to astonish me. Is there anything that useful man can not do?

Some people from the Guild of Bakers and Chocolatiers presented Ponder with a huge diploma that formally pronounces him an honorary member, and the Guild Master made a speech, which Ponder answered simply with (to quote him literally): "Er.  Um.  Erm....'nk you.  Er.  Quite."  And Mrs Weixelberger, the Captain's sister, presented him with a huge Chocolate Cake in an ornate box for the road.

Ponder and that incurable blood-drinker Beth Metatronim circled each other warily around the dessert table, discreetly ogling who took how much of the chocolate mousse and the white goo other dessert the Captain had brought. At some stage they did actually rap each other's knuckles over the last bit of mousse au chocolat, but that was obviously in jest. Beth smiled at Ponder a lot, and they seemd the best of friends, which Victor, on the other hand, was eyeing with deep distrust.

Later, Beth and the gentlemen from Red Bear house howled like wolves to get both dogs (Josephine and the scruffy red one they had brought) to howl along - but were generally shushed when, upon falling silent, a howl answered them from far away!

It was a very good party. There is only one thing very regrettable about it: it means that Ponder and Victor are going away! I shall miss them terribly, and Josephine as well.

The Captain is going with them for a while, and Beth Metatronim goes along as well, so my castle shall be quite deserted again. The Captain will stay a bit longer than originally planned, as there is a wedding everybody is invited to. He and Beth were seperately and secretly so inordinately happy about that small grace period, I almost regret having held out on them that sternly. I think I will offer them a way out, then.

[Private, to Ponder]

Ponder, would you take a message from me with you to Ankh-Morpork or wherever it will need to be delivered? Even if you don't know why, or what it means?


current mood: sad

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Wednesday, June 16th, 2004
5:59 am - Visitors
It is absolutely wonderful to have Ponder and his friend Mr Tugelbend here; I enjoy their company so very much. As Ponder knows I know about them, having told me himself, they dare to to be less shy together when only I am around, giving each other loving looks and  touching each others' hands, sitting shoulder to shoulder on my sofa - they are fatally cute like that!!

And Ponder has lost weight, quite noticeably.

And Josephine - I must not forget Josephine! She is such a very unusual dog, and everybody loves her to bits, even that reprobate Beth Metatronim, who had so far been remarkably quiet, staying mostly in his cellars or on the staircases out of the way and only joining us while we had tea today, in order to sketch Josephine.

That was a desaster, though! The dog would not stay still for him for one moment! She sniffed at him, gave a yelp, and dove under the sofa Ponder and Victor were sitting on, having regretfully moved apart a little when Beth came in. When Beth knelt down to look under the sofa, she turned her muzzle away, and refused to even look at him. She even growled at him, very lady-like and shy, when he tried talking to her in his softest voice. Ponder was rather embarrassed by her behaviour,  insisting he had no idea what got into her and apologising a lot to Beth, who finally gave up and strode away, announcing he would try and paint her from memory, then. I noticed how similar he is to that dog, tall, long-boned, pale and elegantly slouching. Ponder found that observation rather funny - and of course Josephine came out at once when Beth had left, and put her head in Ponder's lap to have her ears scratched.

We might have to do without my good Captain Tantony for a few days, though, as Mr de Worde has sent a plea for help, and the Captain is not only getting a new carriage ready for Otto and his employer, he seems to be thinking of going ahead by himself, as a single horse is much faster than the carriage, and Otto, who hasn't been reformed for very long, sounds a bit too shaken to leave him without anything to do for a longish time, the Captain said. It sounds a bit alarming, to be honest, so I am glad Captain Tantony is hurrying to the rescue. Beth will just have to do with pigs' blood only for a few days; it's not difficult for him, anyway.

current mood: content

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Tuesday, June 8th, 2004
8:03 am - Short Note
Otto has taken new and very stylish iconographs of me, and given me some old ones, so those odd drawings can finally go! Thank you, dear Otto!

Havelock seems to have found his P.C. device again beneath a pile of paperwork; and Beth and Gimel are growing roots in my castle. I very much enjoy their company, even that of unreformed and indiscreet Beth; they so enliven the old pile with their antics.

Some antics, I hope, Beth will keep to the basements, or I will be forced to become quite angry with him and the Captain - who at least is no longer mopey.

Gimel is redecorating almost everything by now. I wonder if Mr de Worde doesn't miss her.

current mood: cheerful

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Thursday, June 3rd, 2004
4:13 am - Preparations
I am very much looking forward to Ponder and his friend Mr Tugelbend arriving in roughly ten day's time. We're all quite busy with preparations; the architects have submitted preliminary sketches for the theatre, my good Captain is deciding on a programme that is entertaining and typical while not exhausting, and Gimel is redecorating most of my guest rooms, now she's got started. Beth paints, and won't budge.

He has offered to remove himself in case Ponder doesn't get on with him, but I do hope that won't be necessary. I quite like his paintings. And he has been very good. Not reformed, oh no, never that. Don't be offended, dear boy; I wouldn't call you that. But he has been very good at conforming to my standards while under my roof.

At least, I hope. He's been making eyes at the Captain, lately, and the Captain has been making eyes right back at Beth. I simply don't want to know. Perhaps that can snap the Captain  out of whatever's got into him lately. I now exactly know how Ponder feels about his indiscreet student wizards: if I'm ever caught at knowing, I'll be forced to come down on the pair of them like a ton of bricks, but I simply don't want to. Not in this one special case...

Otto is training two different apprentices by now, and yesterday has taken very silly iconographs of my good Captain in my library. Captain Tantony is very patient, and has quietly consented to every odd thing Otto or his trainees have been asking of him.

I have quite the little vampire colony on my hands at the moment.

current mood: worried

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Friday, May 21st, 2004
6:00 am - Hurrah for the Year of the Only Slightly Bothered Tiger
Things are good this spring!

Modern Times are progressing as planned and hoped for. If there are slight deviations, they are to the better, even. The News-Paper is coming along very nicely, and there has been talk of a Magazine. In my books, a magazine is a place where you store things, or buy them if you're in Genua, but this Magazine seems to be a cross between a News-Paper and and Almanacke.

I am paying for the Watch House to have its roof insulated with that newfangled rockwool, as I promised the Captain I would before I left for Ankh-Morpork. It was a suggestion by his Sergeant Yakalskovic at the sight of the rather steep coal bill this winter. Needless to say, the rockwool dwarfs and the coal dwarfs are terribly at odds with each other.

Apparently, the trade in Choclate Cake is exceeding all epectation; the Guild of Bakers and Chocolatiers is totally ecstatic, and almost ready to worship me like a goddess for having originally made contact with Boromäus. I hope their gratitude will take a more practical form when Ponder arrives.

Because he said he definitely will - no date is yet confirmed, but he will come to Bonk this summer, with Josephine, and with his friend Mr Tugelbend who will advise us on the establishment of a theatre.

Also, life has erupted in my castle in the shape of Gimel's brother Beth, who has come to see her for a few days. He is as blond as she is dark, but otherwise quite the same. He's also quite the same as before, as he's unreformed and expresses no interest whatsoever in reform or the League at all. He has, however, promised me not to hunt or feed on my turf, and his promises can be trusted.

Otto then embroiled him in a roaring argument about iconography vs. painting which is still raging in my library this very moment.

Also, the Captain and Gimel are taking quite an interest in each other, which is a Good Thing for both of them, as Gimel has been overly excited and ditzy, and the Captain strangely morose and off-colour in recent weeks. I hope they'll even out each other's temper.

Meanwhile, my good Captain and Gimel have taken to sitting on turrets and battlements and looking down on things.

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Thursday, May 13th, 2004
4:38 pm - Greetings from Bonk
I haven't written in this for a long time; now I am home, and everything is back to normal, there are no more extraodinary things to write about.

Since the Spring Fair has ended and some of our guests have left, Bonk has settled into a quiet and ordinary May, albeit a bit rainy.

I can't have discord in the Watch, so I asked Sergeant Featherstone and a rather sleepy Captain Tantony to my castle this afternoon and told them again what I expect from their co-operation. They have both agreed to listen to what the other is saying in the future instead of just lecturing on and accusing each other of being stubborn and supercilious respectively. They were still rather angry at me when they left; good. That will unite them for the decisive moment.

I miss all my friends from Ankh-Morpork, first and foremost Havelock, of course.

Ponder, I truly hope you will come to Überwald this summer and visit with me at my castle.  I have always so enjoyed talking to you and  miss you very much. And please bring the dog if you do come.

Mr Tugelbend,
I would be very glad if you could come  here sometime in the next months as well to advise me about the establishment of a permanent theatre in Bonk. Now the News-Paper is coming along so exceptionally well, that is very much my next project.

Mr Vitoller, the same applies to you if you can at all bear to be parted from the Dysk and your work in Ankh-Morpork. You would be welcome in Bonk at any time.

Tez, I very much hope everything is all right with you. What do I hear about explosions and catastrophes? I hope you are still playful at people and haven't gone all serious after parting ways with Gimel.

Boromäus, your sister has made quite a splash here at the Spring Fair. People are still talking about her and the Captain who however is now more interested in Gimel and/or has gone off the deep end. The large order you clacksed at the beginning of this week has caused quite a splash as well; the whole Bakers' and Chocolatiers' Guild is insanely happy and works on filling it like a poked bee hive.

Teppic, I hope you keep walking Josephine and don't run anybody over with your chariot. I wish you and Boromäus the best of luck for the competition you plan to take part in.

Miss Jeannie, I hope everything worked out well with your muse who haunts you. I have heard back from Morecombe; everything is just fine. Have you had any new "gigs" yet? I hope to hear you sing again often when I come back to Ankh-Morpork next winter. Your iconographs were very impressive, by the way.

Roswitha, is the Thursday group still keeping up? I haven't heard from you, which hopefully means you're busy. And please, keep an extra eye on the Monday group as well; they used to be Otto's, and he might be kept here for a while yet.

Mr de Magpyr, I hope you are good and enjoy your tea. Do try not to make your sister angry on purpose; I have heard things, you know.

Mr Drumknott, in time, there will be a Patrician's ball yet. I am positive.

current mood: busy

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Saturday, May 1st, 2004
9:32 pm - Short notice to Gimel
My dear Gimel, even if everybody theoretically knows about something, there is not call to go mentioning it at the top of your voice in front of everybody and then some.

Please realise that I cannot stand for that kind of behaviour. There is no point in you turning all pink and charming if you keep dragging up the past like this.

Don't do it again!

It was actually Sergeant Featherstone, who had heard from the burgomaster's eldest daughter and came to me to ask confirmation, good loyal employee that he is. I can't have that sort of thing happening.

current mood: aggravated

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Tuesday, April 27th, 2004
8:09 pm - Arrived
Finally I am home! Igorina has been taking good care of my castle and Igor's  experiment, and all the bandits are stowed now.

Sergeant Featherstone has gone into town to meet my good Captain Tantony, and Gimel and Tez have gone to my highest tower (!!!) to try something to do with fireballs.

I shall just have a cup of tea and relax. Tomorrow I'll go into town, look at the Fair, and greet everybody.

Otto and William, as you're really my guests, you  are very much welcome to come and stay here with me. If you'd like to be closer to things, we can make the rooms above your new office habitable to you. Tell me what you 'd like.

And now please excuse me while I enjoy being home again.

current mood: exhausted

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Monday, April 26th, 2004
9:48 pm - Held back
We shall be arriving in Bonk a day or so late.

The reasons is bandits on Wilinus Pass.

When we came up to that nororiously bandit-infested part of the road, there were twelve bandits, armed to the teeth, and  their leader on a mangy horse waiting for us and demanded loudly that I accept their surrender. Seems banditing isn't what it used to be these days, and becoming a chain gang member is considered a really good career move - at least you don't starve.

Gimel was so disappointed she didn't get to see Tez do fireballs.

Now Sergeant Featherstone is herding the loosely tied (they insisted on being clapped in irons, but we didn't have any on us) bandits from their leader's horse, and we are very much slowed down, especially as he refuses to whip them, as they most vociferously demanded at first.

And we won't go on ahead and leave the weakest member of our group with nothing but a few half-starved bandits to defend him against any real danger. Sergeant Featherstone hates to be thought of as such, but that's what he factually is.

So, Captain Tantony, you need to get some warm cells ready for tomorrow. A large pot thick warm nourishing soup and some strong hot tea wouldn't come amiss to those sorry creatures either, I guess.

And could you please tell Igorina who's been looking after my castle during my absence that I will be one day later than originally expected?

It's Octeday, actually - I do miss Josephine! And Ponder, actually.

current mood: bored

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Friday, April 23rd, 2004
11:51 pm - Lancre
We've arrived in Lancre, which is sommething of the Last Homely Place before the wilderness, and potential bandits, and what Morporkians call "miles and miles of bloody Uberwald".

Mr Shawn Ogg, who had advance warning of our arrival thanks to the P.C. system he is on as well, has been totally helpful and took wonderful care of us all. Our humans are sleeping now while Gimel and I have been practising a few skills that had become slightly rusty with reform and civilisation. We find we're still quite good at it.

I fear Mr Ogg was very disconcerted at seeing us fly through the air at each other. We managed to convince him that we were a) not seriously fighting, just practising what he persists in calling "marital arts" and b) no real threat for him and his.

Thank you again for everything, Mr Ogg!

current mood: touched

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Wednesday, April 21st, 2004
9:27 pm - Travelling
The Sto Plains are really very  boring. Tez is reading, Gimel is knitting, and Sergeant Featherstone is going through lists that look very serious and boring.

I wish I had brought more books.

Mr  de Worde and Otto have hurriedly left about half a day ahead of us with the mail coach; there was some incident, an attept on Mr de Worde's life, it seems. Perhaps it is for the best; all potential for conflict and embarrassment thus gets neatly  avoided.

I already miss Havelock; I am a soppy old woman.

current mood: bored

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